Random joke thread
Senior Member
1st Gear Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,932
From: derry nh
RE: Random joke thread
Texas Deputy vs. New York Lawyer...
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.
He thinks he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from
New York and he is certain that he is better educated than any cop
from Texas. He decides to prove this to himself and to have some fun
at the Texas deputy's expense!!
Deputy says: "License and Registration please."
Lawyer says: "What for?"
Deputy says: "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Lawyer says: "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says: "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and
registration, please."
Laywer says: "What's the difference?"
Deputy says: "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop,
that's the law. License and
registration please!"
Lawyer says: "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down
and stop, I'll give you
my license and registration; and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
Deputy says: "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, please Sir."
The deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer
with it and then says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.
He thinks he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from
New York and he is certain that he is better educated than any cop
from Texas. He decides to prove this to himself and to have some fun
at the Texas deputy's expense!!
Deputy says: "License and Registration please."
Lawyer says: "What for?"
Deputy says: "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Lawyer says: "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says: "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and
registration, please."
Laywer says: "What's the difference?"
Deputy says: "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop,
that's the law. License and
registration please!"
Lawyer says: "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down
and stop, I'll give you
my license and registration; and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
Deputy says: "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, please Sir."
The deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer
with it and then says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"
Thread Starter
|
Senior Member
1st Gear Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 551
From: Bozeman, MT
RE: Random joke thread
A good ol Alabama boy received a scholarship to Harvard. His first day on campus, he walked up to a Senior and with his thick Southern drawl he politely asked, "Can you tell me where the library's at?
The Senior, in his snooty New England voice replied, "We, at Harvard, never end our sentences in a preposition."
The Alabama boy, embarrassed, replied, "Can I ask you again?"
"Of course," replied the Senior with a smirk on his face.
"Can you tell me where the library's at...........*******?
---------------------------------------
We had a harassment meeting Friday. They gave me a couple good ones.
- Why do Mexicans drive lowriders?
- So they can pick lettuce while driving.
The Senior, in his snooty New England voice replied, "We, at Harvard, never end our sentences in a preposition."
The Alabama boy, embarrassed, replied, "Can I ask you again?"
"Of course," replied the Senior with a smirk on his face.
"Can you tell me where the library's at...........*******?
---------------------------------------
We had a harassment meeting Friday. They gave me a couple good ones.
- Why do Mexicans drive lowriders?
- So they can pick lettuce while driving.
Senior Member
1st Gear Member
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 5,499
From: Cincinnati, OH
RE: Random joke thread
ORIGINAL: kx slaughter king
Texas Deputy vs. New York Lawyer...
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.
He thinks he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from
New York and he is certain that he is better educated than any cop
from Texas. He decides to prove this to himself and to have some fun
at the Texas deputy's expense!!
Deputy says: "License and Registration please."
Lawyer says: "What for?"
Deputy says: "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Lawyer says: "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says: "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and
registration, please."
Laywer says: "What's the difference?"
Deputy says: "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop,
that's the law. License and
registration please!"
Lawyer says: "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down
and stop, I'll give you
my license and registration; and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
Deputy says: "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, please Sir."
The deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer
with it and then says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"
Texas Deputy vs. New York Lawyer...
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.
He thinks he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from
New York and he is certain that he is better educated than any cop
from Texas. He decides to prove this to himself and to have some fun
at the Texas deputy's expense!!
Deputy says: "License and Registration please."
Lawyer says: "What for?"
Deputy says: "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Lawyer says: "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says: "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and
registration, please."
Laywer says: "What's the difference?"
Deputy says: "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop,
that's the law. License and
registration please!"
Lawyer says: "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down
and stop, I'll give you
my license and registration; and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
Deputy says: "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, please Sir."
The deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer
with it and then says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"
Texas Deputy vs. New York Lawyer...
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.
He thinks he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from
New York and he is certain that he is better educated than any cop
from Texas. He decides to prove this to himself and to have some fun
at the Texas deputy's expense!!
Deputy says: "License and Registration please."
Lawyer says: "What for?"
Deputy says: "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Lawyer says: "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says: "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and
registration, please."
Laywer says: "What's the difference?"
Deputy says: "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop,
that's the law. License and
registration please!"
Lawyer says: "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down
and stop, I'll give you
my license and registration; and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
Deputy says: "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, please Sir."
The deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer
with it and then says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.
He thinks he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from
New York and he is certain that he is better educated than any cop
from Texas. He decides to prove this to himself and to have some fun
at the Texas deputy's expense!!
Deputy says: "License and Registration please."
Lawyer says: "What for?"
Deputy says: "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Lawyer says: "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says: "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and
registration, please."
Laywer says: "What's the difference?"
Deputy says: "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop,
that's the law. License and
registration please!"
Lawyer says: "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down
and stop, I'll give you
my license and registration; and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
Deputy says: "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, please Sir."
The deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer
with it and then says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"
Senior Member
1st Gear Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,932
From: derry nh
RE: Random joke thread
My new Lexus....
I bought a new Lexus 350 and returned to the dealer the next day complaining
that I couldn't figure out how the radio worked. The salesman explained that the
radio was voice activated. "Watch this!" he said. "Nelson!" The radio replied,
"Ricky or Willie?" "Willie!" he continued and "On the Road Again" came from
the speakers. Then he said, "Ray Charles!" and in an instant "Georgia on My
Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.
I drove away happy, and for the next few days every time I'd say, "Beethoven,"
I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said "Beatles," I'd get one of their awsome
songs. Yesterday a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved
in time to avoid them. I yelled, "Asz Holes!"
Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda backed up
by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar. Al Gore on drums,
Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton
on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.....
Dam, I LOVE this car!!!
I bought a new Lexus 350 and returned to the dealer the next day complaining
that I couldn't figure out how the radio worked. The salesman explained that the
radio was voice activated. "Watch this!" he said. "Nelson!" The radio replied,
"Ricky or Willie?" "Willie!" he continued and "On the Road Again" came from
the speakers. Then he said, "Ray Charles!" and in an instant "Georgia on My
Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.
I drove away happy, and for the next few days every time I'd say, "Beethoven,"
I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said "Beatles," I'd get one of their awsome
songs. Yesterday a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved
in time to avoid them. I yelled, "Asz Holes!"
Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda backed up
by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar. Al Gore on drums,
Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton
on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.....
Dam, I LOVE this car!!!
Senior Member
1st Gear Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,932
From: derry nh
RE: Random joke thread
'My God! What happened to you?' the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
'I got in a tiff with Riley.'
'Riley? He's just a wee fellow,' the barkeep said, surprised. 'He must have had something in his hand.'
'That he did,' Kelly said. 'A shovel it was.'
'Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?'
'Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's left boob.' Kelly said. 'And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight.'
'I got in a tiff with Riley.'
'Riley? He's just a wee fellow,' the barkeep said, surprised. 'He must have had something in his hand.'
'That he did,' Kelly said. 'A shovel it was.'
'Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?'
'Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's left boob.' Kelly said. 'And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight.'
Senior Member
1st Gear Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,932
From: derry nh
RE: Random joke thread
A state trooper pulls a car over for speeding. In the car is an old lady who is hard of hearing and her husband.
When the trooper asks the lady for her driver's license the lady responds, "Heh, what did he say?" The old man speaks up as he says, "HE NEEDS YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE."
A few minutes later the trooper comes back to the car and says, "Ma'am I see you're from Florida." The old lady comments, "Heh, what did he say?" The old man speaks up as he says, "HE SEES YOU'RE FROM FLORIDA.'" The old lady nods her head, "Yup."
The trooper mutters, "man, i dunno how you guys can live there. i visited floria and i got the worst piece of *** ive had." The old lady replies, "Heh, what did he say?" The old man yells, "HE SAYS HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!"
When the trooper asks the lady for her driver's license the lady responds, "Heh, what did he say?" The old man speaks up as he says, "HE NEEDS YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE."
A few minutes later the trooper comes back to the car and says, "Ma'am I see you're from Florida." The old lady comments, "Heh, what did he say?" The old man speaks up as he says, "HE SEES YOU'RE FROM FLORIDA.'" The old lady nods her head, "Yup."
The trooper mutters, "man, i dunno how you guys can live there. i visited floria and i got the worst piece of *** ive had." The old lady replies, "Heh, what did he say?" The old man yells, "HE SAYS HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!"