What is in the KFC Obama Cabinet Bucket?



Nothing but left wings and ********!

 

what is the difference between a biker chick and a bowling ball?

If your life depended on it, you could eat the bowling ball.


What do biker chicks and basketball players have in common?

They both shower after every fouth period.


What is the difference between hard and dark?

Stays dark all night.


What is the difference between hard and light?

A guy can sleep with the light on.


What do Triumphs and German Shepherds have in common?

They both like to ride in the back of a pickup.

 

The other day my wife said I should go to the Doctor and get some of those pills that would help me get an erection.

You should have seen the look on her face when I came home and tossed her a bottle of diet pills.

I'm still looking for a place to live.

 

Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums.

Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant.

While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"

Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."

Ed said, "I bet it's because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

 

A cannibal passed his brother in the woods.

 

A guy goes to the doctor with a fart issue:

Doctor: What seems to be the problem?

Patient: Doc, I got the farts. I mean I fart all the time.

The doctor nods, "Hmm"

Patient: My farts don't stink, and you can't hear them. It's just I fart all the time. Look, we have been talking about 10 min, and I've farted 5 times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?

"Hmm" says the doctor. He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription. The patient is thrilled. "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up the farts?"

"No," sighs the doctor, "The prescription will clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back for a hearing test."

 

I was in a pub last Saturday night, and drank a few, and noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had pretty strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are you ladies from Ireland?"

One of them chirped saying "It's Wales, you friggin' idiot!"

So I immediately apologized and inquired, "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"

That's pretty much the last thing I remember....

See what trying to be politically correct gets you

 

Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight," the boy replies. The man continues, "Do you know what these are used for? "Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren't for me. They're my brother – he's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now he can't do either one."