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Oil change instructions for Women (UNCLASSIFIED)[/align]Oil change instructions for Women:[/align]1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles sincethe last oil change.2) Drink a cup of coffee.3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properlymaintained vehicle.Money spent:Oil Change $20.00Coffee $1.00Total $21.00============================================ ==============Oil Change instructions for Men:1) Drive to O'Reilly Auto Parts buy a case of oil, filter, kittylitter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drivehome.[/align][/align]3) Open a beer and drink it.4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.[/align]6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.7) Place drain pan under engine.8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.9) Give up and use crescent wrench.[/align]10) Unscrew drain plug.11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you inprocess. Cuss.12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oilfilter and twist off.[/align]16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oileverywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash intrash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oilto gasket surface.18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.19) Remember drain plug from step 11.20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.21) Drink beer.22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.Throw kitty litter on oil spill.23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes withoily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrenchtightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.[/align]
25) Begin cussing fit.26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.28) Beer.29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.[/align]30) Beer.[/align]31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.32) Beer.33) Lower car from jack stands.34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilledduring any missed steps.35) Beer.36) Test drive car.[/align]37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.[/align]38) Car gets impounded.39) Call loving wife, make bail.40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.Money spent:Parts $50.00DUI $2,500.00[/align]Impound fee $75.00[/align]Bail $1,500.00[/align]
Beer $20.00Total-------- $4,145.00But you know the job was done right!SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH......AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.....[/align]


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Hahaha! That was pretty good. I can't say that is me though. Although, one time years ago, I helped a friend change the oil on his camaro. We sort of forgot to pull out the drain pan from under the car after finishing. (and left the filter sticking up in the pan) When my friend backed up the car, the front bumper caught the pan causing oil to go all over the driveway.[:@]

 

I think I am going to do an oil change this weekend. I'll see if I can get some pics while I do it so people can see it along with the directions.

 

don't forget the beer!!...lol

 

good ideaASZ ............................good idea HD , I'll drink to that ..........cheers [sm=icon_cheers.gif]