A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

A WOMAN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied," but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax and pour it onto your upper thigh,rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a marriage seminar dealing withcommunication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor. "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man,"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton ***** and a ball of string on the counter.She says, confused, "Sir, I t hought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers," You see, it's like this, yesterday, Isent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own, so does she.

( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attractedto you!

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
Thewife said, "You should do it,because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cookingaround here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it,and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."[font="arial narrow"]
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment[size=3]
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first tobreak the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by th

 

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give
over
100%.

How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%



and


K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far *** kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work
and
Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's
the
Bull**** and *** kissing that will put you over the top.



"REMEMBER SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE SIMPLY BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO SHOOT
THEM."

 

"REMEMBER SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE SIMPLY BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO SHOOT
THEM."


[sm=exactly.gif]

 

A husband had just finished reading a new book, "You can be the Man of your house".

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face he said sternly, "From now on, YOU Need to know that I AM the MAN of this house, and my word is law!"

You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished Eating my meal you will serve me a sumptuous dessert afterward. After that, you are going to go upstairs with me, and we will have the Sex that I want.

After that, You are going to draw me my bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands.

After that's all done, guess who's going to dress me and comb my Hair?"....

His wife replied, "The f***ing funeral director would be my
Guess."

 

Mans perfect breakfast:

Steak and eggs,watching supper bike races on the 60" Hd flat screen while GF is under the table blowing him!

 

+1 there NS

 

This from a man who knows

 

NS!!!!! That was great!!!