Helping women to understand men!
#1
08-22-2006, 08:19 PM
Helping women to understand men!
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it . . . though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator. (applies to engineers mainly)
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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
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Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't . . . and if you are feeling amorous afterwards . . then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
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Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
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Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.
__________________________________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
__________________________________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
__________________________________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
__________________________________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it . . . though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator. (applies to engineers mainly)
__________________________________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
__________________________________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
__________________________________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't . . . and if you are feeling amorous afterwards . . then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
__________________________________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
__________________________________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.
#5
08-22-2006, 10:00 PM
RE: Helping women to understand men!
Because I'm a man I will insist on performing all home improvement tasks myself, however this will mean I must get that new table saw, drill, router bit, and twelve pack. I will then proceed with the demolition work then promptly decide that I have no idea what I'm doing and leave the dining room in shambles until the wife becomes frustrated with the mess and calls a real contractor.
#6
08-22-2006, 10:02 PM
RE: Helping women to understand men!
Now that sounds more accurate.....having to go out and buy new and improved tools - and beer!!! Heck I'm cool with that, as long as there's some JD in it for me!!
#7
08-22-2006, 10:11 PM
RE: Helping women to understand men!
Very true!
I always used to take everything apart as a kid. My parents would get so pissed off at me because they always happened to be expensive things! LOL
I still do the same stuff as I did when I was little, only now I can usually get stuff back together again!
As far as holding the remote, WE HAVE TO!!!! Somebody will always change the damn channel on us if we're not in control of it! I hear Evil's remote control is bright orange from all the cheeto munching!
I always used to take everything apart as a kid. My parents would get so pissed off at me because they always happened to be expensive things! LOL I still do the same stuff as I did when I was little, only now I can usually get stuff back together again!
As far as holding the remote, WE HAVE TO!!!! Somebody will always change the damn channel on us if we're not in control of it! I hear Evil's remote control is bright orange from all the cheeto munching!
