A relative of mine is an A/P (airframe-powerplant) mechanic. He sent me this e-mail. Those of us who work on our bikes can really appreciate this humor. (Those who don't, probably will, too.) [/align][/align]UPS
......Just in case you need a laugh, I think these are pretty clever.
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school
diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our
jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet",
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance
complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.


And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away[/align][/align]

 

Those always crack me up

BTW - have you seen the new Stealth Fighter?

 

i cant believe they took dinkys hammer away

 

I swear I've heard this one before. Still funny though.

 

Cool stealth fighter srobak. I have heard these before as well but still funny. On a side not I beleave Quantas an Austrailan airlines has never been in an accident as well.

 

Those are pretty funny

 

funny

 

I love stuff like that.

 

I do stuff like that when I get the gripe sheets for the trucks I work on.