Ok. I try not to go off bike subject but only maybe once per year.
It is nearing year end so I have to fill my quota

Neary all my OZ friends are here at KF... so here it goes.



These Aussies have a terrific sense of sarcasm!!



The following were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

And the last question sums it all up!!

__________________________________________________

> Q: .Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
>
> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

> A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
>
> A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)

> A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

> A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
> Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
> ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
>
> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
> A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
> Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
> A: You are a British politician, right?
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
> Milk is illegal. - Buy Beer!
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
> All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
>
> A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
> You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA)

> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________

> Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
>
> A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
>
> A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first


Hope it made you laugh... it had me rollin'

 

Lmao! Those Are Crazy
Got A Good Laugh thx

 

Gold

We are the great **** takers
Check out the Aus page on the ADV forum.

I think sthe mods let it all slide as you be banned posting that stuff anywhere else.

 

Steve Irwin next to the Stingray's
That's just wrong...






lol

 

You see on the map where it says "backpacker murders"

Well in the early 90's we had this loony going around picking up young foreign hitch hikers and killing them.
No biggie right?
Mostly Germans and Poms (English)
Anyway, this naturally was big news in Europe.
When I was in Europe people were asking me "have you caught the backpacker murderer yet" like I was in charge of the investigation.

Anyway, my stock answer was "he's only killing Germans and Poms so we are not that concerned" "When he kills an Aussie, we will start looking for him"

Not everyone thought it was funny.

 

Every country needs a good murderer once in a while, keeps populations under control. Maybe he dresses in a kangaroo costume, hops up behind them, and pulls his gun out of the pouch and BLAM! But that's just my visualized version of the killer...

 

shows how dumb smost people are. i like the high heel and supermarket ones.

 

seen it before but still a crackup

 

>
> Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
> Milk is illegal. - Buy Beer!
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
> All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.


My favs. Classic stuff.

My last ride, and although all snakes are harmless here, I was reluctant to give it a hug.

 

I read somewhere the most dangerous animal in Australia is the European Honey Bee most likely the German or English varities.