Post your random short jokes:

At a U2 concert in Ireland , Bono (the lead singer) asks the audience for some quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone.."I want you to think about something. Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice from the front of the audience yells out.... "Then fookin stop clapping, ya arsehole!"

You gotta love the Irish.

 

Now that's funny.......................and sad

 

i spilled spot remover on my dog, now he's gone.

 

Sounds like something Steven Wright would say.

 

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes











nothing you already told her twice

 

it was. i saw one of his hbo specials a few weeks ago and cant get over how funny he is. that one was my fav so i decided to share it.

 

nice thats funny

 

A man and a woman are having sex and the man asked the woman would you mine if i *** in your ear and the woman said no i will go deaf and the man said bull**** i *** in your mouth all the time and you dont shut the hell up

 

Bass Pro Shop

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"

He replies, " Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."

 

lol very nice. In a gross way