granted, you walk out off your base tommorow and see a huge blast, then go into a coma. you wake up the day of your deployment, but you now have severe braindamage and your whole family sticks you in a handicapeable home and leaves you forever.

i wish someone would t-bone my lumina so my outrageously high insurance would buy me a new car.

 

Granted, but your insurance company goes **** up 3 hours before the accident and all they can afford to give you is a pink Yugo with bright green flowers all over it, a totally gay mobile.

I wish I could boink Jessica Simpson!

 

granted, but all your machines seize suddenly and you have to borrow my yugo... she sees you and assumes you are gay.... then maces you for wasting her time

i wish i had more of these coffee granola mocha bar things

 

Granted

I wish you didnt have any more coffee granola mocha bar things.

 

granted, i now have an unlimited supply of these and for some weird reason you change into a giant douche nozzle for the rest of forever




i wish i had fifty grand in liquid cash

 

Granted, but it evaporates before you can spend it.

I wish I had fifty grand in regular cash.

 

granted, but you have to carry it with you on your way home and customs gets su****ious, takes it then sends you to guantanimo bay until you die of starvation


i wish i had a flamethrower

 

Granted, but it only throws flames at he guy holding it, so you don't dare use it.

I wish I had fifty grand in my bank account.

 

granted, but someone robs the bank and they werent fdic insured so you loose it all.



i wish i had a license to kill infants

 

Granted, but then you would commit suicide.

I wish my 14 was already fixed from the chick knocking it over!