My dad was alot like yours. In the end it's your life and you have to live it. Do it the way it makes YOU the happiest. My dad owned a Ford dealership wanted me to be the air apparent, couldn't look someone in the eyes and tell them a 10,000 dollar car was worth 15 grand and keep a straight face. Ended up being a pipe fitter welder. Really wanted to be a gigolo but didn't have the talent.

 

^ See, lol you took the career path I did. I liked woring with my hands. My dad owns his own office systems company and is partners with an information systems company. He wants me to ultimately run his company. Im like NOOOO!!!

 

I didnt say stay at home MOM .. I said WIFE ... Wife's put out and look hott all the time. Spend all day in the gym and go shopping for the best clothes. Mom's have kids and stay at home all day and drive vans around.

And yes, my hormones must be raging. Biological clock must be in full swing. hehehehehehehe

 

Not all that uncommon I think... My Father in law told my wife that her strengths weren't in academics which helped motivate her to graduate college with honors. So who knows, you might be able to use it as a motivational tool. Sometimes I think that Fathers can be more critical of a daughter than a son for whatever reasons.

Level with your Dad about what you're thinking. Communication is so important...

Mike

 

I think its because he knows I will always be discriminated against in the workforce regardless of how well educated and prepared I present myself. Every now and then you will encounter an employer who is non discriminatory.

Trust me, there is no reasoning with Dad. I have tried for the past decade to get through to him. lol

 

hi chik
some are very like it ... when i decided i wanted to be a full time martial artist ( a pro fighter) my parents said it would never work ... i'd fail .. dont bother and so on ...
either of my parents ( or any other relative has every come and seen me fight , but the people that count have ......
so i got used to it ... but truth is ... it sting .. life goes on

cheers
matt
p.s ... i have a british heavyweight title fight in july ...... so the joke is on them

 

All this talk makes me realize what not to do with my daughter.

My family is crazy but who's isnt. My family never say i love you and just dont show alot of emotion in general. Never got alot of praise for anything we did, but we knew if we did it good or not. Was never told that we couldnt do something. My mom worked just as hard as my dad, she was the type of woman that if you told her she couldnt do something because she is a woman she would do it better than most guys. My dad was a great teacher, he built his own house (log cabin) did all the plumbing, elec, everything cept the block and concrete work. His profession is a mechanic he is the best mechanic i have ever seen, and while working on cars he was always "now why do we do this" " now whats next" so he kept me paying attention. I grew up in the garage with him. I didnt become a mechanic because of him, could have i? Of course, it comes naturally to me. But looking at my dad just turned 56 yesterday and has a hard time walking and he cant work over his head cause his shoulders are so messed up, i decided to choose a different profession and use cars/bikes as a hobby. My parents treated me and my sister the same but my sister acts like she had a gold spoon in her mouth the whole time growing up... boys and girls are just different. I will never tell my kids they cant do something. On the other hand my wife's family are big into emotions, like they make a huge deal about stuff and its weird to me... uncomfortable even. You always want the best for your kids and want to make thier life better than yours, so i pay attention alot to how my parents act/acted with me and same thing with my inlaws. The way your dad acts is just not right IMO. Being a good parent and raising my daughter the best i can is the most important job i will ever have and by god im going to do everything i can do make sure that job is completed better than any task i have ever had.

 

EMS, the way you describe your Dad reminds me alot of how my Grandfather was. He was a brilliant engineer who took any and everythin apart to see how it worked and to make improvements on it's design. I would sit with him in his workshop and watch him take things apart. If only I were old enough to understand what he was doing at the time I probably would have benefited significantly from what he knew.

I'm not so sure about the emotion thing. Sounds ehhh iono to me. My Mom raised me to be tough, not to cry, and to suck it up. My Mom and Grandmother are pretty emotionally tough Ladies too. From the description I just gave it portrays them as unbecoming but these two are very much the classy Lady, just strong Women.

Back when I was in high school I had the hobby and gift of being an extremely talented Saxophone instrumentalist. I had been compared to the liking of Kenny G by my piers and groups I performed to. I abruptly quit playing one day citing various reasons to all of my family and piers. The real reason I quit was because I felt like I wasn't playing for me anymore that I was really living this lifestyle out of the vision my family had for me. So I quit. Stopped playing in bands, stopped doing gigs, and never picked the horn back up after I sold both. Same thing happened to me playing pro football (yes I played on a Women's Professional Team). I got nothing but negative feedback from my family on this although I was one of the top offensive linemen in the league. So after two seasons, I quit because the one thing it did to me and my family is drove a wedge between us because my Dad swore up and down I was lesbian just because most of my teammates were and I were hanging out with them. He even went as far as to get right up in my face and yell at me to tell me I am gay and tried to get me to admit to something I was not. My Mother even called my gay Uncle to ask his opinion on my sexuality and my Uncle even agreed with what my parents were saying (I am assuming just to appease them or something??) To this day it still has me messed up in the head because I know I like guys but I still think to myself "Well, are they recognizing something that I blatently are not?" I have never pursued any of their accusations.

What I am trying to get at here is there is a fine line between motiviation and demotivation. You push someone enough and it will inspire them to be better. You push them too hard and you have crushed their motivation and their self esteem & confidence. I know if I were to have Children I would raise them quite differently. I would definetly raise them the same if not better from the educational aspect but as far as accomplishment and hobby wise I would certainly encourage and praise what they wanted to do (assuming they were exercising their best judgement).

 

Sounds like your dad is an unhappy person, and the only way he can feel better about himself is to tear others down. What's the history of his father? Is he acting out what he was taught? Was he ever happy? I think its time for a letter explaining how you feel. Weather you decide to give the letter to him is your choice, but just putting all the things you feel down on paper will start the process of taking care of yourself.

 

Chik, I agree^. Just curious, what sibling/child are you; youngest, oldest, middle?
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