They are all lame, I know but I had a laugh reading, so I thought I'd share:

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says "dam"
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Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was a salted.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
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A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Sorry - we don't serve food in here."
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
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Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant.
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Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
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"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." That
sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."


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Two cows standing next toeach other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly:
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"
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A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrapshorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
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Two hydrogen atoms walkinto a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
Thefirst replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
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Deja Moo: The feeling that you'veheard this bullsh#t before.
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog'scross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "Well," says the vet, "let'shave a look at him". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checkshis teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"



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Apparently 1 in 5 people inthe world are Chinese and there are 5 people in my family, so it must be oneof them. It's either my mum or my dad......or maybe my older brother Colin, ormy younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu, but I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

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I went to buy somecamouflage trousers the other day but I couldn'tfind any.
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I went to the butchers the other dayand I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. Andhe said, "No, the steaks are too high."


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My friend drowned in a bowlof muesli.
He was pulled in by a strongcurrant.
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A man walksinto doctor's office.
"What seems to be the problem?"asks the doc.
"It's... um... well... I have fivepenises." replies the man.
"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousersfit?"
"Like a glove."


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What do you call a fishwith no eyes?
A fsh
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Two fish are in a tank
One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"

 

pretty good stuff ............nothing wrong with a good laugh now and then