The Unborn,

I had this brilliant piece in my netflix queue and it arrived yesterday. We got the movie because it promised a **** era curse and Gary Oldman. Well, after watching the trailer we decided we'd better make some drinks. Standard Fock-O Mighty's, half a glass of Vodka, and Clamato juice, time to watch.

In the first 15 minutes there was a creepy kid, a dog with a mask, a fetus, an underwear shot and a shower scene. It was almost as if they were trying to keep you watching by loading up the horror movie stereotypes early. Time for another drink.

It didn't get much better despite a slight buzz. The horror movie plagiarism began in ernest. There was an old black and white movie ala "The Ring", a jerky crawling thing like from the grudge, some head twisting action from the exorcist and for some reason spuds mckenzie with an upside down head. Ugh, one more drink.

Gary Oldman finally showed as a rabbi of all things. I think he probably needed the cash for a new car or something, he was in the movie for probably 10 minutes or screen time.

The movie came to a "climax" in a multi-denominational exorcism in which everyone died except for the girl and the rabbi. The "twist" at the end was that the demon came after the girl because she was pregnant, a fact which no one would really care about at this point anyway.

I would avoid this movie entirely if I were you, as reasonable amounts of alcohol didn't help it one bit. If you have netflix there are better horror or mystery movies available on "Watch It Now" such as Cigarette Burns, Walled In or Death of a Ghost Hunter. None are perfect and are more 3 out of 5 stars type things, but holy chit they're better than this stinker. This movie will give you a reason to get drunk!

The Collector will probably be good, anybody seen it?

 

Yeah I saw it in theaters.. I was so hugely disappointed. But at the same time, it's just kinda what I expected. Horror movies anymore plain suck. It's rare you'll get one that's good at all. Todays horror movies aren't about scaring you. They're about startling you. What ever happened to the days of Texas Chainsaw Massacre(70s original version) Those were the horror golden ages.

Unborn is a joke of a movie. Avoid.

 

Yeah Gonz, I used to really get into the good ole classic chit youre britches movies of the seventy's. I think the Collector may be a good one..........I hope!

 

after reading all that I only have one question


what the fluck is netflix

 

It is a theatre with a giant net hanging all the way across the building. Everybody lays in the net like a giant hammock and watches the movie! It's fun!

 

lol i got stuck in the net once

 

You're pulling my chain, right? Why, it's only the best thing since sliced bread, that's what it is!

But really, it's this service that you subscribe for ranging from like 8 bucks a month to like 25. It allows you to stream a huge library of movies to your computer, Xbox, or other Netflix able player. But the biggest feature of Netflix is having the movies mailed to you. You set up a queue of up to 100 movies you would like to watch and they send 1 or several (depending on how much money you pay), and they'll send it to you in the mail, usually the next day you'll have it at your house. When you're done, put it in the prepaid envelope, and send it out while they look at your queue and send you the next movie. Unlimited. It's pretty great.

Although, I'd much rather pay for the movie theater hammock idea.

 

Yeah the hammock idea sounds pretty good

 

Damnit Gonzo, you ruined my whole BS story! I'm gonna kick your ***