Beer troubleshooting 101
#1
Beer troubleshooting 101
The next time you are having any of the below experiences while in the bar, you will know how to react. That is if you remember the prescribed remedies.
Bar Troubleshooting... "Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
Fault: Glass empty.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.
Symptom: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
Action: Retire to gents' room, practice in mirror.
Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Action: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Improper bladder control.
Action: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about its house training. Demand beer.
Symptom: Floor blurred.
Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.
Symptom: Floor moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Action: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
Fault: You have fallen over backward.
Action: Have yourself leashed to bar.
Symptom: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
Fault: You have fallen forward.
Action: See above.
Symptom: Room seems unusually dark.
Fault: Bar has closed.
Action: Confirm home address with bartender.
Bar Troubleshooting... "Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
Fault: Glass empty.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.
Symptom: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
Action: Retire to gents' room, practice in mirror.
Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Action: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Improper bladder control.
Action: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about its house training. Demand beer.
Symptom: Floor blurred.
Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.
Symptom: Floor moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Action: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
Fault: You have fallen over backward.
Action: Have yourself leashed to bar.
Symptom: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
Fault: You have fallen forward.
Action: See above.
Symptom: Room seems unusually dark.
Fault: Bar has closed.
Action: Confirm home address with bartender.
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