Anyone remember Hollywood Squares?
#1
12-31-2008, 03:44 PM
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Indianapolis and Toledo
Posts: 5,599
Anyone remember Hollywood Squares?
Some of these comeback lines are just hysterical! Happy New Year Peeps! By the way, I already know that Deejer and ole guy will remember, but how about all of you youngens? Of course I am just barely able to remember this show but have seen some re-runs....LOL
Hollywood Squares:
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads underwater long enough.
Q. If your are going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. Whena couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
Hollywood Squares:
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads underwater long enough.
Q. If your are going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. Whena couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
#3
12-31-2008, 04:22 PM
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Washington
Posts: 21,060
Oh yea, Paul was hilarious, and if you thought that show was funny, anyone remember Match Game? I actually have that as a ring tone on my phone. And Scooby Doo and Sandford & Son, and Airwolf.......ok again I have shared too much already. As you were. 
#4
12-31-2008, 04:28 PM
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Washington
Posts: 21,060
#7
12-31-2008, 04:36 PM
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Washington
Posts: 21,060
Here's some more, thanks Worlok, I love walking down memory lane. 
Peter Marshall: According to a recent article in the Miami Herald, at age 78, is Groucho Marx still interested in sex?
Charley Weaver: Yes, but he's forgotten the secret word.
Peter Marshall: Charley, an 87-year-old doctor named Quick invented something that's named for him. What is it?
Charley Weaver: 87 years old? I'd say the quickie!
Peter Marshall: Charley, true or false: every time you sneeze, your heart stops.
Charley Weaver: Out to the home, there's a few people that, whenever they sneeze, their hearts stop!
Peter Marshall: According to Billy Graham, can you get anything you've always wanted in Heaven, if you didn't get it on Earth?
Charley Weaver: Yes, but there's an extra charge for the whitewalls.
Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights in this country?
Charley Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.
Peter Marshall: According to Today's Health, what do most dentists say you should do with your dentures before going to bed?
Charley Weaver: Out to the home, we throw them all into the center of the room and have a swap party...
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
Charley Weaver: A divorcee.Peter Marshall: Charles, how many ***** would you expect to find on a billiard table?
Charley Weaver: How many guys are playing? (Weaver and audience laughing) Now you're doing it, that's more like it.
Peter Marshall: What famous story begins with the discovery of magic beans?
Charley Weaver: Inherit the Wind.
Peter Marshall: True or false -- when the swallows return to Capistrano, they are probably coming from Argentina.
Charley Weaver: That's true, and not only did they ruin my car, they blew up my trailer!
Peter Marshall: Does Pat Nixon think her husband is fun?
Charley Weaver: Yes, she says he's full of it.
Peter Marshall: Do rosey cheeks always mean good health?
Charley Weaver: Not if you're sitting on a radiator!
Peter Marshall: In a recent TV Guide interview, Paul Lynde said that he has been cursed with something all his life. What?
Charley Weaver: Four letter words! (correct answer: shyness)
Peter Marshall: Was there anything going on between Christopher Columbus and Queen Isabella?
Charley Weaver: Yes, and Columbus later found out that the world was round and she was flat!
Peter Marshall: Shakespeare wrote 154 of them. What are they?
Charley Weaver: Checks to Rose Marie for services rendered.
Peter Marshall: What makes water hard?
Charley Weaver: Winter.
Peter Marshall: You are a senior citizen and during the night while you are asleep, your heart beats 50 times per minute. Is there something wrong with you?
Charley Weaver: Well, let's put it this way. Could you ask me Friday's questions today?
Peter Marshall: True or false -- rumors circulate in business offices more than any place else.
Charley Weaver: That's false, Peter, and we're certainly going to miss you around here!
Peter Marshall: True or false -- drinking can make you hard of hearing.
Charley Weaver: What?
Peter Marshall: Is it possible for you to make a dog laugh?
Charley Weaver: Well, I tried to housebreak a dog once and he just laughed and laughed.
Peter Marshall: When you go shopping, is there any difference between irregulars and seconds?
Charley Weaver: Out at the home, when I have seconds I get irregular.
Peter Marshall: True or false -- as you get older, your skin becomes more transparent.
Charley Weaver: Out at the home in the x-ray room, they just hold us up to a light bulb.
Peter Marshall: True or false -- Lawrence Welk has a fourth grade education.
Charley Weaver: That's why he says, "And a one and a two..."
(at the end of a show, when Peter Marshall is plugging various appearances by the other stars)
Charley Weaver: ...And I will be appearing in Wasserman, Ohio, with my trained pet hamster!
Peter Marshall: Every night before he went to bed, George Washington would always put his false teeth into something. What?
Charley Weaver: Martha!
Peter Marshall: According to the nursery rhyme, "There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children she didn't know what to do". What did she give her children to eat?
Charley Weaver: She lived in a shoe? Filet of sole!
Peter Marshall: Tommy Smothers and President George Washington share a common outstanding physical trait that's very noticeable and unique. What is it?
Charley Weaver: They both have wooden teeth.
Peter Marshall: In the movie "Camelot", Sir Lancelot is called on to perform a miracle. What is the miracle?
Charley Weaver: The miracle is to make the movie a hit.
Peter Marshall: Arthur Hailey had a very successful movie and novel called "Hotel". He has a new best seller about another stopover point. What is it called?
Charley Weaver: Service Station.
Peter Marshall: Which is higher, a vice admiral or a rear admiral?
Charley Weaver: That depends on who drinks the most.
Peter Marshall: Who said, "Richard Nixon was the most difficult man I ever had
to paint"?
Charlie Weaver: Earl Scheib.
Peter Marshall: According to a recent article in the Miami Herald, at age 78, is Groucho Marx still interested in sex?
Charley Weaver: Yes, but he's forgotten the secret word.
Peter Marshall: Charley, an 87-year-old doctor named Quick invented something that's named for him. What is it?
Charley Weaver: 87 years old? I'd say the quickie!
Peter Marshall: Charley, true or false: every time you sneeze, your heart stops.
Charley Weaver: Out to the home, there's a few people that, whenever they sneeze, their hearts stop!
Peter Marshall: According to Billy Graham, can you get anything you've always wanted in Heaven, if you didn't get it on Earth?
Charley Weaver: Yes, but there's an extra charge for the whitewalls.
Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights in this country?
Charley Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.
Peter Marshall: According to Today's Health, what do most dentists say you should do with your dentures before going to bed?
Charley Weaver: Out to the home, we throw them all into the center of the room and have a swap party...
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
Charley Weaver: A divorcee.Peter Marshall: Charles, how many ***** would you expect to find on a billiard table?
Charley Weaver: How many guys are playing? (Weaver and audience laughing) Now you're doing it, that's more like it.
Peter Marshall: What famous story begins with the discovery of magic beans?
Charley Weaver: Inherit the Wind.
Peter Marshall: True or false -- when the swallows return to Capistrano, they are probably coming from Argentina.
Charley Weaver: That's true, and not only did they ruin my car, they blew up my trailer!
Peter Marshall: Does Pat Nixon think her husband is fun?
Charley Weaver: Yes, she says he's full of it.
Peter Marshall: Do rosey cheeks always mean good health?
Charley Weaver: Not if you're sitting on a radiator!
Peter Marshall: In a recent TV Guide interview, Paul Lynde said that he has been cursed with something all his life. What?
Charley Weaver: Four letter words! (correct answer: shyness)
Peter Marshall: Was there anything going on between Christopher Columbus and Queen Isabella?
Charley Weaver: Yes, and Columbus later found out that the world was round and she was flat!
Peter Marshall: Shakespeare wrote 154 of them. What are they?
Charley Weaver: Checks to Rose Marie for services rendered.
Peter Marshall: What makes water hard?
Charley Weaver: Winter.
Peter Marshall: You are a senior citizen and during the night while you are asleep, your heart beats 50 times per minute. Is there something wrong with you?
Charley Weaver: Well, let's put it this way. Could you ask me Friday's questions today?
Peter Marshall: True or false -- rumors circulate in business offices more than any place else.
Charley Weaver: That's false, Peter, and we're certainly going to miss you around here!
Peter Marshall: True or false -- drinking can make you hard of hearing.
Charley Weaver: What?
Peter Marshall: Is it possible for you to make a dog laugh?
Charley Weaver: Well, I tried to housebreak a dog once and he just laughed and laughed.
Peter Marshall: When you go shopping, is there any difference between irregulars and seconds?
Charley Weaver: Out at the home, when I have seconds I get irregular.
Peter Marshall: True or false -- as you get older, your skin becomes more transparent.
Charley Weaver: Out at the home in the x-ray room, they just hold us up to a light bulb.
Peter Marshall: True or false -- Lawrence Welk has a fourth grade education.
Charley Weaver: That's why he says, "And a one and a two..."
(at the end of a show, when Peter Marshall is plugging various appearances by the other stars)
Charley Weaver: ...And I will be appearing in Wasserman, Ohio, with my trained pet hamster!
Peter Marshall: Every night before he went to bed, George Washington would always put his false teeth into something. What?
Charley Weaver: Martha!
Peter Marshall: According to the nursery rhyme, "There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children she didn't know what to do". What did she give her children to eat?
Charley Weaver: She lived in a shoe? Filet of sole!
Peter Marshall: Tommy Smothers and President George Washington share a common outstanding physical trait that's very noticeable and unique. What is it?
Charley Weaver: They both have wooden teeth.
Peter Marshall: In the movie "Camelot", Sir Lancelot is called on to perform a miracle. What is the miracle?
Charley Weaver: The miracle is to make the movie a hit.
Peter Marshall: Arthur Hailey had a very successful movie and novel called "Hotel". He has a new best seller about another stopover point. What is it called?
Charley Weaver: Service Station.
Peter Marshall: Which is higher, a vice admiral or a rear admiral?
Charley Weaver: That depends on who drinks the most.
Peter Marshall: Who said, "Richard Nixon was the most difficult man I ever had
to paint"?
Charlie Weaver: Earl Scheib.
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